The Unfortunate Life of Self Insert as an Uchiha
by anshtH
Summary: Why did it have it to be That man? Why couldn't I have been Naruto or some unnamed civilian or main branch member of Hyuuga? Why was I reborn as one character that I disliked? *sigh* /The one where The Plot is shot to hell/ (Rating may change later)
1. Chapter 1

There are times in one's life, when it is appropriate to emit a high pitched scream and this was one of it. I was just glad that my dignity was not lost thanks to my current age and size. Let me explain to you why am I in distress.

You see, I am (or is it was?) a grad student, studying Electrical Engineering. But when certain events had occurred I ended up dying. And then all of a sudden I find myself in a crib looking at a symbol that I disliked with a passion of thousand suns.

I had no issues with my new parents being fans of anime. In fact, if I had ever gotten around to become one I probably would have been the same, what with displaying all the signs of my love for all the fandoms everywhere at home. So I had nothing against fans, what I did vehemently dislike was the fact that my parents were fans of Sasuke Uchiha from the anime Naruto.

Oh I knew that the boy suffered a lot, what with his elder bro killing his parents in front of him and trapping him inside an illusion to torture him. His bro did a number on him. But I disliked that character, a lot.

May be once I grew up I could convince my parents to join the Dark side, uh..., I mean Naruto's side. Why did it have to be Sasuke? Hell, they could have support Madara and I wouldn't have minded. Thank God it was not Sakura.

Things took an interesting turn when I realized that I had an older brother, named Itachi. Wow! my parents were really great fans. Although I think being named Madara and Izuna would have been better.

Well days were passing by, I started crawling quite early. I was glad that I was given a second chance at life, may be I could become an astronaut this time round, or may be even a doctor. That would be quite cool.

All my dreams came crashing down when one fine day my dearest brother carried me and took me outside and showed me the Mount Rushmore with four faces on it.

Only it wasn't Mount Rushmore and the four faces on it were those of the four Hokages.

~Cue screaming~

!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you my dear minions... Readers! Readers! For following my story and adding it to favorite and adding it to a community (I never really thought my story would be put in a community. I somehow feel like a responsible member of the fanfic society) Here is the much awaited second chapter.

My name is Uchiha Sasuke. After spending five years in the hell that is Konoha I have only one goal: to destroy the plot. But to do that I can't the Uchiha Sasuke of the canon. To honor all the self inserts I must be someone else. I must be something else...

Rise of The bane of the Uchihas!

I blame the current scenario on my current dad. And on my boredom.

After being tricked into revealing my IQ by my parents I decided to take a page out of the clan of lazy geniuses and decided to become one of them. I was happily taking a nap...err ... I mean cloud gazing... no... pondering over my choices in life, when my father decided that I should be trained like all the other Uchihas.

I hated it. The entire process of waking up and putting in effort to actually go through the torture called katas and sparring is just too... troublesome. Why the hell wasn't I a Nara? Why was The Force not with me?

Ah shucks... In any case I had about two years before I completely lost it so I decided to make the best of it. I decided to prank my clan.

It started off with subtle things - itching powder in dad's underwear, switching sugar with salt, adding too much chili in food, to dyeing the clothes hot pink and neon green, unleashing weird insects on people.

But as all good things must come to an end, I had to give up on pranks. I was caught by my father while I was in the middle of attempting to show the Uchiha's my version of art, un.

He started lecturing me on the greatness of all things Uchihas and how we shit rainbows and our clan is greatest thing since sliced bread, because we have the all copying eyes and whatnot. I could not tolerate the our-eyes-are-great-lecture for one more second after that, and that lead to the current scenario.

 ***Crash***

OUCH!

I winced as I bumped into another wall again.

"Otouto, what are you doing?" I could hear Itachi the great's voice from somewhere by my side.

"Itachi sama, I am protecting the eyes!" I replied excitedly. Yes Itachi sama, there was no way I was not calling Itachi anything other than Itachi sama after what he had done for his village. It was either that or Itachi-kun and I didn't think he would appreciate me calling him Itachi kun.

"Why?"

"Fugaku-tousan said that our eyes are our precious. We must protect the precious..." I hissed.

Either my brother got his answer or he got creeped out by me. I could hear him leaving. I might have blamed the blindfold on not being able to understand my brother's reaction, but I knew that even without that his expressions were undecipherable. Walls have better responses. I wonder if there is some secret Uchiha training for deadpan expressions and grunts.

On a side note the most adorable forehead poke still happens, almost everyday.

I got bored of walking blindfolded. I think my parents have come up with this technique where they let me do my weird thing for a while and I get bored and drop it after sometime. Although I did stop walking blindfolded I had moved on to something different... Something far more sinister and far more dangerous...

 _~Cue evil laughter~_

 _~Mmmmwwwahahahahaha!~_


	3. Chapter 3

I wanted to cry...

You see, I had this great plan, of being the most dangerous person in my clan, to make them fear my name. To my eternal regret the great plan of being sinister and dangerous was not really working.

Well, I was five after all and way too cute to be even considered as dangerous.

But if one looked into history (of anime and manga) one would realize that the cute ones were the dangerous ones. I had planned to blackmail certain members of the clan who were on the other side of ethical fence (totally ripped it off another fanfic, unfortunately don't remember its name. Shit! Fourth Wall!). But it appeared that my clan was either way too good and, you know, noble (ugh!) or they were way to good at hiding their tracks. Or I sucked.

My parents were annoyed, though. After all, son of the clan head was supposed to behave in a better manner. And let me tell you, why one should never annoy Fugaku. Two words - corporal punishment. Seriously I got my ass handed to me that day. That was like a reality check. I was somehow operating under the assumption that I was still in my world, you know the one where I could call up the authorities if someone beat me up. I couldn't even do that over here. Beating me up would come under clan matters and the government (the stupid Kages and their governing body) never interfered in clan matters.

But I was a self insert and an Uchiha on top of that. I would have my revenge! Even if I could just annoy them.

I got a chance to do that soon enough.

I was walking back home from the store when I happened to come across an interesting scene. A little boy of about my age was on the road. It was not really a strange occurrence, but well, I just happened to stumble upon the hero of the story.

 **MMMwwwuuaahahahahahaha!**

He was cute. He was short with golden spiky hair and he was ridiculously cute and everyone was either glaring at him or ignoring him, including some Uchihas who were on the street. His cute little face was scrunched up, like he was trying not to cry.

Well, I couldn't let my future friend and spiritual brother and a cute kid cry in front of me. So I did the only thing that I could think of.

"NARUTO SAMA!"


End file.
